A "Secret" Every Girl Should Know

            It took a lot of failed relationships to learn that “cowgirl secret.” Oceans worth of tears, countless sleepless nights, and hours spent with gallons of ice cream and my best friend.

            Ever since I was a little girl my dad always told me to never settle for anything less than the best. I always assumed he was referring to grades or my performance in sports, and most of the time he probably was, but now I know he was also referring to men.

            Many girls today are content with a man who treats them terribly just so they can say they have a boyfriend. Another common problem is that after a few months a girl feels stuck in a relationship because her boyfriend becomes so dependent on her and she feels no way out. Girls in these sorts of relationships stay with the guy not out of love, but out of persuasion, manipulation, and often force.

            No one should ever feel “obligated” to stay in a relationship. Couple hood is a two way street and if one side is more dominant than the other there is something wrong.

            The rule listed in the picture is one that every girl should follow. It’s so sad to see a woman who has no respect for herself and allows a man to treat her any way he pleases.

            I’ve blogged about it before, but I think I need to mention it again – set a standard and don’t lower it. If a guy doesn’t meet that standard then he isn’t worth your time. He should treat you respectfully all the time.

            For a man to never look at you less than you are, you can’t give yourself a bad image. It amazes me the outfits I see girls wear to go to parties at college. They seriously are begging for negative attention and it’s pathetic and a sad reflection of our generation. Have some self-respect and realize that if a guy is only paying attention to you because you’re showing more skin than everyone else, he isn’t worth your time.

            You don’t need to be the butt of his jokes, you’re not stupid, you aren’t worthless, and you can do whatever you set your mind to. Never let a man, or anyone for that matter, convince you of those.

            A man doesn’t define who you are, that’s up to you. You don’t need to rely on him. Granted, it’s nice to have a faithful friend such as a boyfriend to fall back on, but don’t put all your faith and love into him because you never know the day you wake up and he will no longer be there. Be strong for yourself and love who you are. If you love who you are you’re going to find a good guy who loves you for you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Life is about searching for the right guy and in the process going through a few not so good ones. You’ll find the right one eventually, just be patient and give it time. He’s out there and looking for you too but you have to be willing to search for him.

            Jerks are never worth the time, trouble, or tears. Don’t let them have the satisfaction of knowing they had that much power and control of your life. Head high, deep breath, wipe the tears, and smile. Let him know what he had and what he lost and what he’s missing. You’re too important and special to not be treated like a princess. Find the man who is worth the wait.

Pucker Up

For those of you choosing to mourn in self-pity this Valentine’s Day, I’ll give you something to watch and hate your single life a bit more.

I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this video so I just needed to share.

            I had never seen it before and one of my friends showed it to me late one night, and I don’t think I’ve been the same since?

            Every girl deserves a moment like this in her life. Yeah, maybe this is a little too rehearsed, maybe even a little too perfect, but all girls deserve a guy to give her that little smile and kiss her like there is no tomorrow.  

            There are websites, books, blogs, tutorials, and instruction manuals on how to kiss, improve your kissing, and make sure you’re the best kisser around. Philematology, which is the science of kissing, is the study of the biological factors that are involved with kissing. (http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/13/kissing.science/)

Kissing can reduce anxiety and produce peace in the body, and I believe that. There is nothing like melting into a good kiss and not wanting it to end. A lot of the stuff above seems a little too much though, but count on humans today to take something as simple as a smooch to the extreme.

The guys I live with just don’t understand why I’ve watched this video on repeat. I think it’s out of jealousness and longing? The want to have a guy beckon me and hold me like that while he kisses me.

Please, tell me what’s better than that heart-skip-a-beat feeling and butterflies in your stomach when you’re leaning in to kiss someone. It’s honestly something that can’t be matched.

            I can only hope that at least once in my life a guy will give me a knowing smile, signal for me to come closer and kiss me like Ryan does to Rachel.

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic after all?

            

Embrace Your Inner Beauty

            You’re lying to yourself and everyone else if you say you’ve never looked at a picture on a billboard or in a magazine and felt jealous or perhaps even anger that you couldn’t look like that.

            It’s honestly a lot easier than you think. There are tons of free apps that allow you to completely change your looks. I can’t even imagine what the ones you have to pay for can do to you – it’s a scary thought.

You’re also lying if you say you’ve never gone through the phase of despising your body. Whether you told yourself you were too fat, too short, too skinny, your hair was too curly, your nose too big, and so on and so forth; everyone at one time has picked his or her body apart. There are always going to be some things you might not like about yourself. But there is nothing you can do other than accept it and move on. Embrace those flaws and imperfections because they are what make you who you are.

            So many women, and even men, today go to drastic measures to fit society’s standard of what “beautiful” is. It’s sickening as well as sad. No longer do people feel comfortable in their own skin because they try so hard to be everyone else’s definition of perfect that they lose themselves in the process.

            When I posted the photo above to both facebook and Instagram I got much more feedback than I expected. I didn’t do it for the attention or to get compliments or for someone to tell me I’m naturally pretty. Instead I did it to show people that I accept myself - imperfections, flaws and all.

            I had many people contact me to say that the original, unedited picture was so much prettier and much more realistic. I also started a bit of a trend on social media with girls posting unedited pictures of themselves and it felt empowering.

            One of my friends messaged me and said she wanted to start a women’s beauty campaign. There is nothing more I would love to do, and maybe one day we will be able to.

            She also added this:

            “Your imperfections are what make you the only you in the world. They are what is going to make somebody love you someday. They are what should make a woman confident and proud of herself.”

            Thankfully, some companies today such as Aerie and Dove are promoting ad campaigns that focus on natural beauty with unedited images. These companies are out to prove that women don’t need to be photo shopped and every girl is beautiful in her own way.

            Botox, plastic surgery, and tons of makeup and other beauty products can change your outward appearance. But who wants to go through the time, money, and sometimes even pain to be someone their not?

Be you. There is only one so make it the best one.

Too Young With Too Many Dreams

In my opinion, it’s completely unrealistic to ask 18 year olds to decide whatever it is that they want to do for the rest of their lives.

And then people criticize them for changing their major an average of six times.

Adults who are 60 years old tell me that they still don’t know what they want to do.

If this is the case, why are we rushed to go to college if making a decision is unrealistic?

Why is it frowned upon to take time off to decide?

Why also is it frowned upon to not go to college? Some of the smartest and most successful people I know had no formal education.

I apologize for all the questions, but as I’m watching $250,000 go towards my education at Syracuse University, I contemplate whether or not I made the right decision.

I don’t think that we as students should be forced to grow up and make a decision while in high school. I think kids should be encouraged to follow their dreams. Maybe some will go right to college. I knew that college was really my only option since I’m not good with my hands and have no real skills to pursue. I figured if I got an education it would get me somewhere. I’m being educated to write since my degree is journalism. Nonetheless, in four years I’ll have a piece of paper that basically says I’m a really good writer and maybe I’ll have a job.

I don’t think people should be discouraged if they go to college and things don’t work out for them. Everyday I question whether I’m doing the right thing or not by going to college. Literally everyday I change my mind of what I want to do. Someone may ask me in the morning what my future plans are and by the time lunch rolls around they could ask me again and my answer could have done a 180.

Humans are naturally indecisive, and teenagers are probably the worst. We want to please our parents, our teachers, and are naturally competitive with friends and want to prove we can go to a good school and make something of ourselves.

If I ever have kids someday I’m going to leave it up to them. If they tell me they want to go to the military I’m not going to stop them. If they say they want to take the money that we’ve saved for their college education and instead try to start some business, if I believe they can do it and have the drive to I’ll let them. If my child wants to go to college, I’ll encourage them to go. Everyone is different and not everyone fits the college mold. I think society should stop forcing it upon us that a formal education is necessary to survive. It might be a good thing to have, but necessary is a little extreme. It’s a judgment call.

It also really bothers me when people look down on others who don’t have a degree. Why is it their concern?

My dad tells me all the time he wishes he had continued to go to school and get his master’s and law degrees. I know my dad is smarter than so many people who have law degrees and all sorts of other degrees. I sometimes think that those extra pieces of paper are just ego boosters and bragging rights.

I hope one-day society realizes that it’s unfair to try to lump everyone into the college life. Let people make their own decisions. Maybe some should be in college and just need the encouragement to get there, but if someone is happy doing whatever it is they’re doing then let them be. They’ll make it work.

67 Things I Wish I Had Known at 18

This article popped up multiple times on my Facebook timeline and I thought it was a must share for every girl (and even guy) out there.

http://totalsororitymove.com/67-things-i-wish-i-had-known-at-18-3/

Everyone your age is going through similar situations you are experiencing. You're not alone and not the first to encounter problems in life. Take it in stride and use these 67 things as lessons to get through life.

You'll be glad you did, trust me.

Unplugging

I was told that when I went to college I’d probably learn more outside of the classroom than I would sitting in a lecture hall. That moment became clear after a conversation I had with a guy I live with last night. We stayed up chatting in the lounge until morning, watching the drinkers straggle in and talking life, love, and relationships.

My friend and I talked about how much we obsess over texts and “what it means” when someone doesn’t text back right away. We discussed completely irrational situations and made-up circumstances, nights spent worrying and unnecessary drama.

Our conversation kept me up most of the night and the conclusion I came to was that I have such a love/hate relationship with social media and technology.

            Unfortunately though, I’m part of the generation who has to bridge the gap between technology and tradition.

            What happened to being straightforward about your feelings and outright telling someone that you liked them? And why does it seem foreign to call someone on the phone just to chat?

            In our world today, there are a few different ways to interpret notifications. We can assume that if a person likes our facebook posts and favorites our tweets that they may like us or perhaps dislike us so it’s actually a form of mocking or sarcasm to like and favorite. Another option is that the person is just very friendly and has similar views.

            When I was in elementary school, pen pals were common. I’m sure if I asked my seven-year-old brother today about a pen pal he’d have no clue what I was talking about.

            I also struck out on the chance of ever receiving an old-fashioned letter in the mail (yes, post offices and snail mail do still exist) from a boy. Unless a traditional man with some incredible gentleman characteristics appears in my life, I don’t think that will be happening.

            I know personally I feel confused when someone’s read receipt indicates he or she has opened my text but have yet to reply. And as a member of this generation what do I do? Social media stalk them of course. Only to make myself upset that the person has tweeted or facebook shows this person is online.

            Why the hell do I let these things bother me? Why does my mind deem it necessary to be in contact with people 24/7?

            A few months ago I went through a rough patch with a guy. I thought things were great and we meant something to each other, but turns out I was wrong. I did something completely unheard of for my generation – disconnected.

            I thought that if I took some time to get away from college and memories of him maybe I could get a better sense of what to do and how I should get over this boy. It only took a weekend trip home to my traditional, old school town to realize that our elders lived in a simpler and easier to understand time period.

            Disconnecting was easy. I let my phone die and didn’t charge it all weekend. I also didn’t log onto my computer. (If you’re reading this and over the age of 40, yes, it can be done. Your children can put down the electronics for a few hours and be human). The woods made my getaway trip that much easier to help sort things out. When I got home I went to our family’s hunting camp that doesn’t have very good cell phone reception anyway. I somehow drove my SUV up a few trails to this huge mountain where I parked and sat on my roof for hours looking at the fall scenery. Wow. It doesn’t get much easier to clear your head than that.

            My time alone with no connection to the rest of the world allowed me to think and reflect on my life. I highly recommend allowing yourself the chance to be alone. It’s such a great feeling and you feel better afterwards because it gives you time to think without being distracted.

            Now, one of my biggest deal breakers when I first start seeing a guy is his cell phone usage. If he texts a buddy or two every now and then or something about work comes up I’m completely understanding. When the phone sits on the dinner table in a restaurant or if he actually has the guts to use it while we’re on a date, NEXT. I don’t want to sound self-centered, but you’re with me for a reason, the rest of your phone contacts don’t need to be invited on our date.

            I feel bad for future generations because technology is only going to get worse. Google Glass is going to make it so people can be so in tune with technology, those around them won’t even realize people are using it. People are going to become more socially awkward and not know how to communicate in person.

            I can only hope that some will still cling to the past and realize it’s okay to unplug every now and then. It won’t kill you and it’s healthy to do so.