A Decade Dedicated to Me

What so many people seem forget anymore is that we’re young. We have our entire lives ahead of us. Stop planning so far in advance and live in the moment now. That’s what college and your 20s are for – enjoying yourself. Worry about the rest of life later when it needs to be worried about.

            As of today I have 10 years that are solely focused on me.

            I’m not trying to be selfish, but I will admit that I spent the first 19 years of my life, or at least tried to, pleasing others. I went to school where my parents wanted me to go or pursued a career in order to please them. I said yes to people so I wouldn’t let them down. I did things I didn’t want to do in order to make others happy. And all along I put my own life on the backburner.

            I’m not doing that any longer.

            There are so many things I didn’t do growing up these past 19 years because I didn’t want to inconvenience others or seem too self-centered.

            Things are different now.

            Today I turn 20. Hard to believe I’m no longer a teenager. But today marks the end of something more than teenage years; it marks the beginning of a new lifestyle I plan to live. This decade I’m living out for me. There are so many things I want to try, and if it conflicts with what someone thinks I should do or their thoughts on me, so be it.

            There are dreams I want to pursue, places I want to go, and goals I want to accomplish. And dammit, I plan to.

            When I applied to Syracuse University, I did so because I wanted to get into the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications. “My dream” was to be a sportscaster on ESPN or the NFL Network. I did get in to Newhouse and I spent a semester in the program. I could’ve gone through the motions, graduated with a journalism degree, and been famous.

It took a self-revelation though to figure out that’s not what I wanted. 

I was chasing that dream for other people. My parents, teachers in high school, colleagues, town “fans” who followed my sports journalism career, and everyone else who had these expectations for me. Granted, it would be cool to interview Peyton Manning, LeBron James, Derek Jeter, Nick Saban, or some other famous sports star. But I was blessed with the opportunity last summer to spend some time behind the scenes of the Pittsburgh Steelers training camp. I had lunch with Ike Taylor, my absolute favorite player, and he made me realize something – he’s only human.

            Ike and his teammates are just like the football players I hung out with in high school. They’re boys trying to prove who is manlier, stronger, has a cuter girlfriend, etc. The Steelers are just a bit bigger and faster, and get paid to do it while their every move is watched.

            This was the first incident that steered me away from wanting to get involved in this industry. I no longer worship the ground famous people walk on because when it comes down to it, they’re only human.

           

            My dreams are beginning already. I changed my major to psychology and am going to get a business degree as well. I came to Syracuse for others and whether I remain or not is still in question. After I graduate with my bachelor’s degrees I want to move down south. Eventually I hope to get my master’s and then I’ll probably move back to my hometown.

For most of my life I wanted to break off from my family and the family business and forge my own path by myself. Time at college and away from my family has made me change my mind and has opened my eyes to the wonderful things my dad and uncles have done and the amazing opportunities they have given others. I believe I now want to become a part of the family business and continue the legacy my grandpa started.

Eventually though I want to open a therapeutic horseback riding ranch. At one time it was strictly going to be for veterans with PTSD, but I want it to be for all psychological problems and a place for healing and counseling. 

            This decade is for me to live out though. So here is my bucket list of 20 things I plan to do/go/accomplish in the next 10 years:

20. Travel

I plan to travel just a bit. I have dreams of going to Nashville, New Orleans, California, Alaska, Italy, Greece, Spain, and Australia.  I might not make it to all of these places within the decade, but hopefully I cross a few off my list.

19. Motorcycle License

I’m going to get my motorcycle license, despite the vast majority of people telling me not to because it’s dangerous.

18. Puppy

I want to get a puppy even though my parents will kill me.

17. Tattoo

Also planning on getting a tattoo that has a very significant meaning.

16. Skydive

You only live once right? So that means I have to jump out of a plane and soar through the air at least once.

15. Complete a Tough Mudder and Color Run.

Currently in training for a Tough Mudder and I just want to get tie-dyed while I run!

14. Road trip across the country.

Honestly, what would be amazing and is my dream is to take a photo of the sun rising over the ocean on the east coast, and setting over the ocean on the west coast. It might take me a week to get from coast to coast, but those are two pictures I plan on taking.

13. Drive a racecar.

Not only drive, but hopefully even race. Now I just need to talk my uncle into trusting me with one of his cars…..

12. Jump off a waterfall/cliff.

It’s done in the movies all the time so I want to try it.

11. Complete a challenge featured on Man Vs. Food.

My family says I’m a garbage disposal so I want to see if I can live up to my nickname.

10. Leave my mark

I want to either be able to walk into a place where everyone knows my name or have my picture hanging on the wall for something I accomplished. (Not a Wall of Shame though!)

9. Crash a wedding

Anyone feel like helping me come up with a back-story and finding a wedding to attend?

8. Run a marathon

I guess I’ll start with a half, but I hope to work up to a full eventually!

7. Put a message in a bottle

It was always (and still is) my dream to go to the beach and find a bottle with a note in it. I want to write a letter and my contact information and hopefully receive a reply.

6. Vegas

Everyone always says what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I think it’s one of those places you need to go to at least once in your life to experience.

5. TBD

Five is my favorite number so I figured I’d have to pick something good. This one though is going to be my mystery number on my bucket list. Eventually I’m going to take a leap of faith and do something I never imagined myself doing. So for now I guess it remains a mystery?

4. Go horseback riding on the beach

With my love of horses you think I would have done this already but I honestly never have.

3. Attend a game at every NFL stadium

I’ve been saying this one for years but I want to visit every field and enjoy the atmosphere.

2. Finish one of the books I started writing

There are a few of them now. Some are close to being done, others only have random ideas written across a few pages, and some aren’t written down yet but are finished in my head. I’ll complete one eventually.

1. Make a significant impact on someone’s life

I hope to one day hear that I was a role model or a source of motivation to someone. Maybe I stopped them from making a terrible mistake, or encouraged them to go after their dream. Whatever it is, I want to impact someone’s life in a major way.

At this moment I’m not sure what else I want to pursue? I have ten years though to fill with adventures, fun, memories, and lessons.

(I’ll let you know in 10 years how many I crossed off this list)

Lyrics to Life

            Everyone loves music. I may be making a very broad generalization there, but I’m sure everyone has his or her own form of some sort of music, sound, or beat he or she enjoys listening to.

            When I’m in the car, personally, it’s rare that my dial strays from the country station. And if it does, it’s probably switching to a country CD just because I don’t like what’s on one of the five country stations I switch between. I have my moments though where I listen to other things, I think everyone does that and truly does like a little bit of everything.

            They say that lyrics describe a person’s life. The lyrics to your favorite song are probably something you can relate to.

            For the times I like to relax and maybe fall asleep I love lullaby music or soothing Spanish guitar music.

            When I’m angry. No scratch that. When I’m downright pissed I blast Ke$ha. She’s my girl. Her crazy music and no bullshit attitude I love and admire.

            Sometimes I throw it back to ‘70s and ‘80s music. I have my parents to thank for that one.

            If I’m going out or getting ready to go somewhere I like to listen to EDM/techno/house/dubstep whatever else you want to call it that’s fast-paced and upbeat to get myself ready to have fun.

            Occasionally I like to relive my childhood with some late ‘90s jams.

            And starting November 1^st clear through Christmas I only listen to Christmas carols, that is all.

            It took me forever to write this blog because I wanted to compile a list of my top 10 favorite songs and why I love them and relate to them. These are the songs that when they come on my iPhone I have to hit replay.

            Here goes:

10. Hurricane – Dustin Lynch

A country song about a girl, very cliché, I know.

This song reminds me of myself though. I have a problem with settling down, and when I do meet a guy I have a tendency to leave distraction in my path like a hurricane. Fitting that it even talks about the girl having red hair and being a wild child.

“Cause it’s a hell of a ride, if you can just survive the pain, that’s the thing about a hurricane.”

A hurricane is something amazing to witness yet scary as hell, same as falling in love. And at the end when the hurricane has blown through the only thing people can do is pick up the pieces and what’s left and move on, exactly what Dustin Lynch says is the only way to deal with this girl.

The song also talks about the girl running from her past, again something I do, and in the song she even warns the guy the trouble she is, which is what I always say I am.

9. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

There is something about this song that never fails to make me smile. A song most people like to belt out, commonly while holding a beer or having their arms around their friends while swaying in time to the music.

“Good times never seemed so good (Go Pitt, Go Pitt, Go Pitt).”

This song means something to me because it’s always played during the Pitt football games and I will forever be a Panther at heart.

It’s just a feel good song that makes me happy and makes me want to grab my friends and dance like idiots.

Above all though it’s a beautiful love song about a man being madly in love with his girl. What can I say? I’m a sucker for love songs.

8. Born This Way – Lady Gaga

This is a girl’s anthem and feel good song for women.

“I’m beautiful in my way cause God makes no mistakes, I’m on the right track, baby I was born this way.”

It’s about embracing your inner beauty and being proud of who you are. Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself because if people can’t accept you for who you are they don’t deserve to be in your life.

Whenever I’m feeling down or having a bad day I like to listen to this song because it’s empowering and a good reminder that being true to you is what matters. You never have to prove anything to anyone, only yourself. You have to love yourself first too before you can love anyone else.

7. Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

This song reminds me of growing up and the pain and excitement that come with it. It’s especially relevant to my life because I left for college and I’m trying to figure out where my life after college is going to take me.

“But time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I’m getting older too.”

It’s scary to face the world by yourself because your parents aren’t always going to be there to help you, but that’s also half the fun of it.

6. Automatic- Miranda Lambert

I wish I could have grown up in a different era. Granted, I’m so thankful for the technology we have today and all the strides we continue to make, but I also miss the good ‘ol days. I remember payphones, and I still dry my laundry on the clothesline on a nice day. I love making sun tea, and I remember when my grandpa used a pocket watch.

“It all just seemed so good the way we had it, back before everything became automatic.”

Some people will never realize the beauty of simplicity and the old-fashioned way because they’re stuck on what they think the beauty is in technology.

5. Jack & Diane – John Cougar Mellencamp

Oops, sorry for another love song. This is probably my favorite song to turn up the entire way and roll the windows down.

To me this is pretty self-explanatory. It’s two kids, living the American dream and who fall in love.

“Hold on to sixteen as long as you can, changes come around real soon make us women and men.”

Kids are always in such a rush to grow up, I know I was. But when you’re a kid you don’t realize how amazing it is to be carefree. Cherish that and make it last as long as you can. You’re going to grow up eventually and not be able to enjoy the freedom you once had.

4. Hey Pretty Girl – Kip Moore

The first time I heard this song I about wanted to cry. (And that’s really strange coming from me because I’m basically heartless). It still warms my heart and makes me daydream when I hear it because this is the type of man I want to find in my life. I want a man who’s going to love me this much and try to win me over.

It also makes me happy because it’s not a song about a hookup or one night stand, it’s about making a relationship work the right way. Dancing, being together, taking her home to meet his mom, building a life together, etc.

“Life’s a long and winding ride, better have the right one by your side.”

I’m still looking for that right one, but I hope when I find him I can compare our relationship to this song because I could see this being the first song we dance to at our wedding. If a guy ever sang this to me too I’d probably melt, just saying.

3. Don’t Stop Believing – Journey

You are lying if you have never blasted this song and sang along at the top of your lungs.

I am a small town girl, living in my own lonely world. And to me this song is about going on a journey and trying to find yourself. It’s optimistic and the title itself even tells you to not give up hope, to keep pushing, because with determination you will get where you want to and accomplish your goal. 

“Some will win, some will lose.”

Unfortunately you can’t win every single time and you need to learn how to accept defeat once in awhile.

This song is also about familiarity and the fact that everyone has common ground. Shadows, are in reference to the people’s past that haunts them. It also is about everyone feeling sad or lonely sometimes and realizing that other people share those feelings too and they truly aren’t ever alone in their pain.

Finally, it makes me think of love. It’s about a boy and girl from two separate worlds figuring out they really aren’t that different, and battling the odds to be together and fall in love.

2. Small Town U.S.A. – Justin Moore

A perfect description of my hometown. I live in the cliché small town that everyone seems to hate, but no one seems to leave. And if they do leave, it’s usually not too long before they come back. Everybody knows everybody’s business, and gossip is inescapable. You can’t even get away with anything because somehow word will eventually get back to your parents, and secrets aren’t possible to keep.      

We may not be the richest people in the world, but where I come from it’s hard work that’s going to get you much farther in life.

“I wouldn’t trade one single day, I’m proud to say I love this place.”

As much as I complain about lacking in culture and having to drive two hours to shop, I love western Pennsylvania and the backwoods. If I don’t raise my children in Brockway I’ll raise them in a town similar to it because I want them to enjoy the same childhood I did.

1. Here For A Good Time – George Strait

Well I might as well start off by saying George Strait is my love. I love this man and all of his music so of course one of his songs was going to be on the Top 10 playlist of my life. The only problem was trying to pick one, but once I really got thinking about some of my favorite songs by him this one stuck out.

Right from the beginning he says he isn’t going to take life for granted. Even when life sucks, this song reminds me that I should be blessed that I’m still living and I have the opportunities that I do.

“Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last.”

Because you never know when your time is going to come, give it your all every day. He even says to take a chance because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

            I’m guilty of listening to the radio and saying “I love this song” or “this is my jam” to half of the songs that play. But when it comes down to it, these are the ten songs that best represent me.

How It Used to Be

            It was an interesting weekend for me as I realized how different my childhood was compared to my seven-year-old brother’s. Even though we’re only 12 years apart, with how quickly society is progressing it might as well be much longer.

            I love the weekends (I mean who doesn’t?), especially when I was growing up. Spring and summer weekends were the best because from morning until dusk, sometimes even after, were spent outside. I would help my dad plant flowers, go for bike rides with my mom, play ball with my friends, hang out at the park, walk around town, go swimming, and so many other activities that any normal child should do.

            But this weekend reality hit me like a brick wall. Times have changed. Why is America obese? Because people are too hooked to electronics and being indoors.

            While my parents were away for the weekend I was in charge. Even though yesterday was a bit gloomy, as long as it wasn’t snowing I wanted to relive my childhood and enjoy being home by spending the day outside. When I asked my brother what he wanted to do I didn’t get much of a response. But that wasn’t too shocking since he was playing his DS while sitting in front of the TV. Fishing he said was too boring and he was too tired to go for a walk. The park didn’t sound fun and he was sick of baseball. What was wrong with this kid? My biggest problem would’ve been picking which one I wanted to do first at his age.

            Finally I decided I wanted to go for a bike ride. When I mentioned it he protested. Actually, he threw a temper tantrum and I didn’t understand why. I told him we’d shorten our long bike ride I had planned and make it a quick trip to the bank, which is located just up the road. He still had no interest. I got his bike out anyway and made him start riding around. It didn’t take long to realize why he was so hell bent on not riding it, because he didn’t know how. At seven he couldn’t ride a bike with training wheels let alone without them. How did he never learn? I felt like a failure as a big sister. When I was his age I was biking to my grandma’s house any chance I got because I felt like such a big girl getting to go by myself. I was begging my dad to take my training wheels off when I was five but here he was begging me to just not make him ride it. My have the times changed.

(I would like to mention though that after much practice and many tears I’m proud to say that although he still has the training wheels on he can now peddle around by himself.)

            I had another wake up call when later last night we were watching a movie together and one of the characters was using a payphone. He asked why they did that and said it was silly. It took me a second to catch on to what he was talking about and when I realized he meant the phone I could only laugh as I explained cell phones haven’t always been around, but of course, he doesn’t get that. That’s all he knows in life.

            Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have grown up in today’s world, but then I realize I never would want to do that. I’m old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I still like when a guy holds the door and lets the girl go first and when he walks on the outside of the sidewalk. I like handwritten letters and dressing nice and I know how to sew a button back on. But I’m also independent in society’s new way by not letting a guy pay for everything and always being available since my phone is on me 24/7. I’ve grown to accept controversial topics such as having an African-American president and accepting gay marriage. So yes, this new era has also changed me for the better.

            I’m scared for what more the future is going to bring. Most people who know me, and even many people I’ve met just once, know that I say when I grow up I’m never going to get married or have kids. Well, only time will tell. But I truly am afraid to be a mother someday because I can’t imagine raising children in a world that is progressing as rapidly as ours. I do know though that if I have kids one day they won’t be addicted to electronics and will be active children who enjoy being outside. That’s how I grew up and I have to say, I think I turned out all right?

It didn't matter what it was that I was doing, as long as I was outside I was happy. I'm still like that today!

A Letter To My Younger Self

To my younger self:

Buckle up; it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

            It will be one of the most relieving feelings when you stop trying to fit in and accept who you are. You’re a leader, not a follower. It doesn’t matter if you don’t wear designer clothes and that you prefer your cowboy boots to heels. It’s okay you’re a tomboy, don’t stress about it and try to act girly. You’re not a girly-girl so quit pretending to be one. Caking on makeup is a waste of time and a pain in the ass, don’t bother with it. Don’t be self-conscious that your hair is curly while every other girl is straightening her locks every day. Your curls are beautiful and your hair is healthy, you don’t need the fried ends.

Being labeled “one of the guys” doesn’t make you a slut; don’t let anyone tell you differently. You’re going to have more guy friends than girls going through high school, but it makes for less drama. Don’t get caught up in the drama and bullshit of life. Gossiping gets you nowhere and starting rumors only leads to trouble, stay away from that. Realize the people you call your friends right now aren’t always going to be the same ones who are they for you forever. Find your true friends and hold on to them. They will be there for you through everything.

            Embrace your flaws and your inner beauty. You’re never going to have a “thigh gap”. The many miles that you’ve ran and will continue to run and all the years of horseback riding will prevent that, as does your Italian heritage. The plus about not having a thigh gap though is that when food drops on your lap you’ll be sure to catch it! Being skinny isn’t everything. It isn’t worth the pain of starving yourself and exercising for hours and hours a day. You’re beautiful the way you are. You’re never going to be a size 0, but you can be healthy which is much more important.

Your family is going to be there for you for everything. Even when you feel unloved, they will support you and be your rock. Don’t push them away. You may not believe it, but they care. Appreciate all they do for you too. They’ve made, and will continue to make so many sacrifices to ensure your happiness, be sure to thank them every now and then.

Don’t be so quick to open up. Be hesitant about who you place your trust in. Not everyone deserves that privilege so make sure a person is worth spilling your secrets to before you do.

Remember you are a special girl and you deserve to be treated that way. DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS! A boy who doesn’t respect you doesn’t deserve your time. And do not actually believe you can change a guy. You will find a man eventually. You don’t need to be looking for one now. Enjoy and embrace the single life because that’s where the best memories will come from. Don’t bother being tied down because you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun because of it. More importantly though, never put someone’s happiness before your own. Be selfish in that way, but don’t be self-centered. Learn the balance.

Try not to offend people with your honesty and don’t be critical. There is a fine line between brutal honesty and hurting someone’s feelings. Flirt with it, but try not to cross it.

Don’t let people tell you your ideas are stupid. Sometimes they’re just going to be jealous of your dreams and ambitions, but don’t let them discourage you. Never doubt yourself. Only you know your true potential, share that with the world. When people scoff at your dreams, prove them wrong.

You’re never going to please everyone so don’t even try to. Also remember that perfectionism is overrated. As long as you are happy and doing what you love, forget everyone else.

Be proud of where you come from. Brockway may seem like the most boring place to live now, but you’ll miss that little town when you leave. Also be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned there and the people you’ve been raised with. They are truly one of a kind and you won’t find anybody like them outside of that town. They are some of the kindest people you will ever meet. Someday you’ll realize just how fortunate you were to be raised there and you’ll want to raise your family there too.

Take risks or else you won’t have any memories to look back on. Life is short. Don’t be afraid to do crazy things. It’s okay to fail and it’s okay to look foolish every now and then. Be able to laugh at yourself though and try again.

It’s okay to have no idea what you want to do with the rest of your life. You probably won’t know for many more years so don’t let that scare you. Try new things and if something interests you become involved.

Always say I love you. Each and every single day tell the people you care that you love them. Never go to bed mad, angry, or upset because you’re not guaranteed the next day. Be quick to forgive. That doesn’t mean you have to trust again, but try not to hold grudges. Never go a day without telling the people you care about that you love them though. They deserve to know.

You’ll figure this all out in due time.  Some things you’ll wish you would’ve known sooner, but if you’ve experienced it, you’ve learned a lesson.

Follow your dreams, believe in yourself, and realize you can do anything you set your mind to. You’ll make it, I promise. Just relax, breathe, and enjoy the ride.

Love,

Your future self