God Bless the Broken Road

  

          I’m an advocate of the philosophy that every person comes into your life for a reason and those who have walked out of your life have also done so for a reason. Many of those reasons are lessons, whether big or small, that have taught you something and shaped you into who you are.

            The crazy thing about exes is that your mind automatically thinks about a boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a best friend though. I know what it’s like to have ex-best friends and that hurts just as much as a relationship breakup. An ex is a person you use to confide in and be able to share anything with. There were memories and special moments you shared together. Sometimes it hurts and there is still a tug on your heart when an ex is brought up. But you never realize until later on in life just how much exes have changed you and shaped you into who you are. Despite wanting things to work out, some things just aren’t meant to be. Some of those things may be the bad. It may take you a long time to learn to trust someone new because you’ve been lied to so many times before. Maybe you are weary of putting your heart on the line because it’s been broken too many times before. You may have walked away feeling stronger though because you know you are a better person than what that relationship made you out to be.

Failed relationships don’t always have to be looked at in a negative light, in my opinion, most times it’s for the best. There is a reason a person is your ex or someone you don’t talk to anymore. There was a flaw in communication or a mistake made and you have to reevaluate what that mistake was so you don’t continue to make it or are no longer attracted to it.

Immediately upon breaking up with someone you’re not thinking, “yes! I learned so much and am walking away from this relationship with more knowledge.” Let’s be realistic. Guys are acting tough while drowning their sorrows in beer and girls are eating ice cream and watching romantic chick flicks.

After the sadness is gone though and when the realism sits in that you no longer have that certain person to talk to all the time, you look to fill that void, and along the way you figure out why you’re actually better off.

I use to lay awake at night wondering what I had done wrong or why I couldn’t find that guy who was going to treat me right. I came to realize that a breakup doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It’s just that you realized something you didn’t want or wasn’t successful and you need to move on. I don’t have that problem anymore. I may only be 20, but I’ve experienced my fair share of failed relationships and heartbreak. I’ve learned enough to probably write a book, but I’ll condense it into a blog instead. But the following are some of the most important lessons I’ve come away with and what have led me to where I am today.

(I’m sorry I say him throughout the duration of this post, but I feel like it’s girls more than boys who need the confidence boost. This advice goes for anyone and everyone though!)

Communication is key.

No one on this planet is a mind reader. If you’re upset, explain why you’re upset rather than acting mad and keeping your partner guessing. It isn’t fair to either of you to assume that the other one always knows what’s going on in your life or how you feel about things. Fill them in so they’re not in the dark.

I’m so guilty of this, and I fully admit it. When I’m in a bad mood or mad about something, instead of being blunt and saying what’s bothering me, I leave people guessing, as if to teach them a lesson. That just makes it more miserable for everyone.

Trust your gut, but also listen to those who love you.

If your best friends and family are leery of the person you’re dating, they see something you are blinded to and refuse to see. Trust them. They love you so much and are only looking out for what’s best for you.

I dated a guy once my parents didn’t approve of and my friends didn’t like. I didn’t care though because I thought I saw this great person they couldn’t see. It turns out I couldn’t see what a jackass this kid was and what everyone had been telling me all along. If I would’ve listened to the people who love me continually tell me that I was going to get hurt because he wasn’t a good guy, well then I wouldn’t have gotten hurt and lost every ounce of self-confidence I had. Even though that was years ago, I still have issues from that relationship that resurface because he made me that insecure about myself.

Disagreements are healthy.

Now I’m not saying go fight about the slightest thing, but you don’t have to have the same opinion on everything. You have to accept and respect the other’s opinion though.

Don’t change for anyone.

Keep your own morals and values and don’t change just for him. Stay true to yourself; don’t allow him to feel superior for any reason. A little difference in a relationship is healthy.

I love my two horses as much as I love my family, they are family to me (yeah, I’m that crazy horse girl). My mare has some health problems though, but nonetheless she was my first horse and I will never sell her. I had a boy hell-bent once that he wanted to shoot her because "she was a lost cause and a waste of time and money". He said it would be better for everyone since I wouldn’t have to go to the barn to see her anymore since she was worthless. Sorry sweetheart, that is a major reason you’re an ex.

Happiness starts with you.

Another person isn’t the only one who can make you happy. You are the ultimate reason for your own happiness. If you constantly rely on someone else to make you happy, take a step back and reevaluate. Do things for you that make you happy, not because you know it will make others happy. It’s your decisions that affect your life.

You don’t deserve negativity.

If he puts you down or you’re the butt of his jokes, get out immediately. You don’t need that sort of negativity in your life and you don’t deserve it because he’s insecure and needs to make himself look good. Respect and appreciation are the pillars of a healthy relationship. Being told you’re not pretty enough or he could “get any other girl but he’s dating you” isn’t a compliment. It’s robbing you of true joy and making you feel insecure. Don’t feel privileged to be dating him. Let him know instead it an honor to be dating you and then dump his ass. 

A relationship isn’t based on “getting even.”

You shouldn’t feel like you have to do something just to make things even in a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on equality.

It’s your life.

At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make. You get to choose whether or not you want to be in that relationship, and if you don’t want to be, then you don’t have to be. No one is forcing you to, and if they are, that is that much more of a reason to walk away.

As strange as it may sound, I’m thankful for my exes. If it weren’t for failed relationships and learning what I wanted in a guy and how I wanted to be treated, I never would’ve ended up with such a great guy. 

Colt makes me happy day in and day out. Sometimes it’s the little things like showing up with a movie and frozen hot chocolate to make my bad day better. And sometimes it’s the big things like letting me borrow his truck whenever I need it or dropping what he’s doing to help me out. If a person truly loves you, they will do things that they might not like just to spend time with you and make you happy. A person who loves you wants to keep you as happy as possible. He once spent his Friday night cleaning the silver on my saddles for hours. He could’ve been doing a million other things, but he did that for me. I spent my final days of winter break completely cleaning his apartment so his new roommate could move in. Both jobs sucked immensely, but we always want to help each other out and make life a little more bearable for one another.

I realized that he is the reason things never worked out with other guys, and it’s because they weren’t him. No one has ever treated me so kindly and looked out for me as much as he does.

When I told him I was writing this, he said to make him sound good. We may drive each other crazy every now and then, but he’s the perfect boyfriend and I could never ask for a better man in my life. He treats me like a princess (because I like to think I am), respects my opinions and the decisions I make in life, and always encourages me to be myself and not change because he loves who I am already. I treat him the same way in return because that’s what a real relationship is all about.

The best thing about the past is that it shows you what not to bring into your future. A breakup is an opportunity, not a tragedy. Take what you learned and use it to meet someone new. Cry your tears, drink your beers, and eat lots of ice cream. But once the time of loathing in self-pity has passed, get back out there and continue to enjoy life. You don’t need someone else to make your feel complete, but life is just a little sweeter when you have a person who loves you by your side.

Tans May Fade, but the Memories Will Last Forever

            This summer was an emotional roller coaster. It was filled with some of the very best moments of my life that I’m going to happily look back on forever, as well as some of the saddest moments that will forever leave darkness in my life.

            There is no particular order to this list so bear with me as I jump around from memory to memory of the past few months.  And of course I had to include some of the best pictures, so I’m apologizing in advance for the scrapbook.

So in love with him and nervous
to meet him I literally tripped
into his arms...

            Summer “2k14" started off with a bang right when I got home from college. I had the opportunity to meet Penn State’s head wrestling coach Cael Sanderson.  A famous person, no big deal right? Well, not only is this sweetheart super cute, but he’s the best of the best. Cael had a 159-0 college record, and was the only NCAA wrestler to ever go undefeated. He was also a four-time national champion, four-time NCAA Outstanding Wrestler, and on top of all of that he was an incredible speaker and humble man. This will probably be the first and the last time I will ever brag about meeting someone from Penn State, but I made an exception for him.

       I got to get my redneck on at the Luke Bryan “That’s My Kinda Night” tour at Heinz Field back in June. It was Luke’s first stadium concert and it was incredible. I’ve seen him in concert before and honestly, I’m not a huge fan of him, but when you get to have an adventure traveling to Pittsburgh with some of your closest friends and tailgating all day, well it makes for a damn good time. This little road trip was also the first time I really got to put my new Ford F-150 to use. We had a blast. A bunch of hicktown kids navigating our way around a big city, somehow making it to the concert where we had prime parking to drop our tailgates and party, and a stadium box filled with food to dance around in all night – it doesn’t get better than that. It could’ve been the worst live music ever, but with my friends by my side it was one of the best nights of my life.  

            Concert round two was a lot different, but just as fun. After a very late start because we couldn’t find the tickets, my cousin Gabby and I made it to PNC Park for Jason Aldean’s “Burn It Down Tour.” Although we missed Tyler Farr (already saw him in Syracuse so I didn’t really care) and we heard Florida Georgia Line as we were walking across the bridge (we already saw them too), we made it in just enough time to get to our amazing floor seats and see our girl Miranda Lambert. When Jason came out to play though, so did the rain. The sky literally opened up and it poured like hell. As fireworks were going off, lightening was illuminating the sky. My wallet was soaked for the entire following week. We didn’t care though. We were still dancing around, making friends, and having a great time. A little rain sure didn’t stop us.

Still in shock it didn't cave-in
on us.

            Summer nights are about crazy adventures and lots of fun. This particular memory I can’t say much about, but those involved know what I mean and I can’t pretend it just didn’t happen. We like to refer to it as “From Fireflies to Felonies.” We went from having little kid fun catching fireflies in my backyard, to having a big kid night doing “hood rat shit.” All I can say is, I promise no one got hurt in the process.

            Another spur of the moment night was The Campout. I haven’t slept in a tent since I was a kid. One night after my best friend Emily and I ate our body weight in pancakes at Perkins, we decided that the night was still young. We had no plans so after driving for a bit we came back to my house. When we pulled in the driveway we were joking about sleeping outside. Give the two of us a stupid idea though and we’re probably going to do it. So we did. It took us an hour to find an old tent in my garage, and even longer to figure out how to pitch it. But after searching my house for all the pillows and blankets we could find, plus a life-size five-pound teddy bear, we slept in our tent. Granted, it was all of three feet off of my patio, but we stayed in it all night even though it was damn near 40^o. It’s something that we did and we know we’ll look back on laughing at our stupidity for years to come.

Jul, you suck.

 

I’m a beach babe. I could live on the beach, do nothing, and be satisfied for the rest of my life. I got the opportunity to be a beach bum for two weeks this summer and it was so relaxing. In June I ventured to Kitty Hawk with my best friend, Juli, and her family. The 10-hour car ride down was an experience in itself, but luckily the week got even better. From skim boarding to crabbing, floating on a giant raft in the ocean, losing our bikinis in giant waves, and finding sand in some odd places, it was a week I’ll never forget.

I like to think of myself as the rose
among many thorns.

First bar outing with our dads.

         Beach trip round two consisted of the annual Yahner/Varischetti Family Vacation – always a treat. This year we ended up in Punta Cana at the Hard Rock Resort and Casino and we had a blast. Since I was legal in the Dominican Republic I got to have my first bar outing with my dad. Nothing beats life advice over a few (or a lot of) brews. Countless dirty burgers were eaten and a lot of alcohol was consumed that week. But there is nothing better than donning a bikini from 9:00 am until 5:00 pm, lying in the sun or jumping in the waves all day, while always having a drink in hand. That’s just living the dream.

      I fell in love. And no, it wasn’t just a fling or summer love, we’ll prove that in the long run. A relationship can begin unexpectedly and with people you never imagined you’d end up with. And that’s what happened to Colt and me. We’ve had our ups and downs, and what couple doesn’t? But when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, we truly make each other happy. He always teases me that I never stop smiling when I’m around him, even when I’m mad, which honestly, it’s the truth and I can never stay mad at him for long anyway. I won’t get sappy because his friends will give him hell for this, but yes, I finally found a good guy who loves me for me.

            The Fourth of July, my absolute favorite holiday and the biggest party of the year for our little town. This year was one that will never be forgotten and the most fun one I’ve ever had. It always kicks off the night before with my dad’s unofficial class reunion taking place on our back porch. I love hearing about my dad’s crazy high school stories and getting blackmail to have when he yells at me for screwing up something in my life or a decision I make. Anyway, on the 4^th itself, Juli and I rose bright and early. (Actually that’s a bit of a lie because we had full intentions to run the 10k race but we just couldn’t get out of bed and to the starting line that early). Nonetheless, we had fun celebrating with the festivities around town all day until we finally met up with Emily and Gabby. The four of us shared some good times and plenty of laughs that we’ll always look back on with a smile.

           

Candid of Juli collapsing in
front of Rails to Trails the
moment we made it out.

            The Great Bike Trip is the connector between the good and bad because I still can’t decide which category it falls under. Most people who know they’re going to bike long distances train for weeks, maybe even months in advance. They’re not morons, wake up one morning, and say “Hey! It’s a beautiful day! Let’s bike 40 miles!” But that’s exactly what Juli and I did. The first 16 miles or so were great. Smooth sailing, beautiful scenery, lots of laughs. But after we realized it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, things went downhill fast. The ride back was some of the longest miles of my life (probably because we stopped approximately every two miles to stretch, bitch, and cry). Although we did not wake up the next day with legs like Carrie Underwood, we did cross it off our bucket list.

            Some friendships you assume are going to last forever. I really thought that was the truth. I had been friends with this particular person since we were born. I can’t even begin to count all the memories we’ve shared together and time we’ve spent with one another. We’ve both changed over the years though, that’s inevitable. But sometimes change isn’t for the good. He went from being a person I could count on no matter what the circumstances were, to being someone who I no longer wanted in my life. I use to be able to call him at any time of the day and ask if we could meet up because I needed to cry and vent and he was there at a moment’s notice. Earlier this summer, even after a stupid fight we had, he promised he was going to be there for whatever I needed during one of the most difficult times of my life. Words are pointless though unless proven by actions. When I needed him most, he decided drugs were more important than our friendship and he was no longer there for me. After it happened more than once I knew I had to do the difficult thing and cut him out of my life. At first it was hard. I’d reach for the phone and remind myself I shouldn’t call him and forgive him so easily for him treating me so badly in our so called friendship. As time went on though, I realized our friendship had been fading for a while. Now it’s hard to even remember the good time we spent together because it’s clouded by the bad times.  

            The hardest thing I’ve had to deal with though was losing a member of my family in a terrible canoeing accident. Even though Britt wasn’t technically related to me, she was marrying my cousin in a month and had been dating him for eight years. Her and Jimmer were my neighbors and I’d grown to know her over the years. Those days following the accident were some of the saddest and most mentally exhausting days my family has ever had to deal with. I still miss her greatly. And when the wedding date comes I know it’s going to be such a sad day rather than the celebration it was once intended to be. Britt’s death taught me a few lessons though which I’d like to share. First, count your blessings each and every day because there is always something to be thankful for. Second, in the big picture of life, the little, insignificant problems really aren’t a big deal. During difficult times you are going to realize who your true friends are. Your family will help get you through anything. And finally, life can change in the blink of an eye so never take anyone or anything for granted.

            Through it all, the good and bad, this is a summer I will never forget. I’ve lived, I’ve learned, I’ve grown up, and I’ve had fun along the way. Now it’s back to school to see what fun times await me there!