God Bless the Broken Road

  

          I’m an advocate of the philosophy that every person comes into your life for a reason and those who have walked out of your life have also done so for a reason. Many of those reasons are lessons, whether big or small, that have taught you something and shaped you into who you are.

            The crazy thing about exes is that your mind automatically thinks about a boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a best friend though. I know what it’s like to have ex-best friends and that hurts just as much as a relationship breakup. An ex is a person you use to confide in and be able to share anything with. There were memories and special moments you shared together. Sometimes it hurts and there is still a tug on your heart when an ex is brought up. But you never realize until later on in life just how much exes have changed you and shaped you into who you are. Despite wanting things to work out, some things just aren’t meant to be. Some of those things may be the bad. It may take you a long time to learn to trust someone new because you’ve been lied to so many times before. Maybe you are weary of putting your heart on the line because it’s been broken too many times before. You may have walked away feeling stronger though because you know you are a better person than what that relationship made you out to be.

Failed relationships don’t always have to be looked at in a negative light, in my opinion, most times it’s for the best. There is a reason a person is your ex or someone you don’t talk to anymore. There was a flaw in communication or a mistake made and you have to reevaluate what that mistake was so you don’t continue to make it or are no longer attracted to it.

Immediately upon breaking up with someone you’re not thinking, “yes! I learned so much and am walking away from this relationship with more knowledge.” Let’s be realistic. Guys are acting tough while drowning their sorrows in beer and girls are eating ice cream and watching romantic chick flicks.

After the sadness is gone though and when the realism sits in that you no longer have that certain person to talk to all the time, you look to fill that void, and along the way you figure out why you’re actually better off.

I use to lay awake at night wondering what I had done wrong or why I couldn’t find that guy who was going to treat me right. I came to realize that a breakup doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It’s just that you realized something you didn’t want or wasn’t successful and you need to move on. I don’t have that problem anymore. I may only be 20, but I’ve experienced my fair share of failed relationships and heartbreak. I’ve learned enough to probably write a book, but I’ll condense it into a blog instead. But the following are some of the most important lessons I’ve come away with and what have led me to where I am today.

(I’m sorry I say him throughout the duration of this post, but I feel like it’s girls more than boys who need the confidence boost. This advice goes for anyone and everyone though!)

Communication is key.

No one on this planet is a mind reader. If you’re upset, explain why you’re upset rather than acting mad and keeping your partner guessing. It isn’t fair to either of you to assume that the other one always knows what’s going on in your life or how you feel about things. Fill them in so they’re not in the dark.

I’m so guilty of this, and I fully admit it. When I’m in a bad mood or mad about something, instead of being blunt and saying what’s bothering me, I leave people guessing, as if to teach them a lesson. That just makes it more miserable for everyone.

Trust your gut, but also listen to those who love you.

If your best friends and family are leery of the person you’re dating, they see something you are blinded to and refuse to see. Trust them. They love you so much and are only looking out for what’s best for you.

I dated a guy once my parents didn’t approve of and my friends didn’t like. I didn’t care though because I thought I saw this great person they couldn’t see. It turns out I couldn’t see what a jackass this kid was and what everyone had been telling me all along. If I would’ve listened to the people who love me continually tell me that I was going to get hurt because he wasn’t a good guy, well then I wouldn’t have gotten hurt and lost every ounce of self-confidence I had. Even though that was years ago, I still have issues from that relationship that resurface because he made me that insecure about myself.

Disagreements are healthy.

Now I’m not saying go fight about the slightest thing, but you don’t have to have the same opinion on everything. You have to accept and respect the other’s opinion though.

Don’t change for anyone.

Keep your own morals and values and don’t change just for him. Stay true to yourself; don’t allow him to feel superior for any reason. A little difference in a relationship is healthy.

I love my two horses as much as I love my family, they are family to me (yeah, I’m that crazy horse girl). My mare has some health problems though, but nonetheless she was my first horse and I will never sell her. I had a boy hell-bent once that he wanted to shoot her because "she was a lost cause and a waste of time and money". He said it would be better for everyone since I wouldn’t have to go to the barn to see her anymore since she was worthless. Sorry sweetheart, that is a major reason you’re an ex.

Happiness starts with you.

Another person isn’t the only one who can make you happy. You are the ultimate reason for your own happiness. If you constantly rely on someone else to make you happy, take a step back and reevaluate. Do things for you that make you happy, not because you know it will make others happy. It’s your decisions that affect your life.

You don’t deserve negativity.

If he puts you down or you’re the butt of his jokes, get out immediately. You don’t need that sort of negativity in your life and you don’t deserve it because he’s insecure and needs to make himself look good. Respect and appreciation are the pillars of a healthy relationship. Being told you’re not pretty enough or he could “get any other girl but he’s dating you” isn’t a compliment. It’s robbing you of true joy and making you feel insecure. Don’t feel privileged to be dating him. Let him know instead it an honor to be dating you and then dump his ass. 

A relationship isn’t based on “getting even.”

You shouldn’t feel like you have to do something just to make things even in a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on equality.

It’s your life.

At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make. You get to choose whether or not you want to be in that relationship, and if you don’t want to be, then you don’t have to be. No one is forcing you to, and if they are, that is that much more of a reason to walk away.

As strange as it may sound, I’m thankful for my exes. If it weren’t for failed relationships and learning what I wanted in a guy and how I wanted to be treated, I never would’ve ended up with such a great guy. 

Colt makes me happy day in and day out. Sometimes it’s the little things like showing up with a movie and frozen hot chocolate to make my bad day better. And sometimes it’s the big things like letting me borrow his truck whenever I need it or dropping what he’s doing to help me out. If a person truly loves you, they will do things that they might not like just to spend time with you and make you happy. A person who loves you wants to keep you as happy as possible. He once spent his Friday night cleaning the silver on my saddles for hours. He could’ve been doing a million other things, but he did that for me. I spent my final days of winter break completely cleaning his apartment so his new roommate could move in. Both jobs sucked immensely, but we always want to help each other out and make life a little more bearable for one another.

I realized that he is the reason things never worked out with other guys, and it’s because they weren’t him. No one has ever treated me so kindly and looked out for me as much as he does.

When I told him I was writing this, he said to make him sound good. We may drive each other crazy every now and then, but he’s the perfect boyfriend and I could never ask for a better man in my life. He treats me like a princess (because I like to think I am), respects my opinions and the decisions I make in life, and always encourages me to be myself and not change because he loves who I am already. I treat him the same way in return because that’s what a real relationship is all about.

The best thing about the past is that it shows you what not to bring into your future. A breakup is an opportunity, not a tragedy. Take what you learned and use it to meet someone new. Cry your tears, drink your beers, and eat lots of ice cream. But once the time of loathing in self-pity has passed, get back out there and continue to enjoy life. You don’t need someone else to make your feel complete, but life is just a little sweeter when you have a person who loves you by your side.