God Bless the Broken Road

  

          I’m an advocate of the philosophy that every person comes into your life for a reason and those who have walked out of your life have also done so for a reason. Many of those reasons are lessons, whether big or small, that have taught you something and shaped you into who you are.

            The crazy thing about exes is that your mind automatically thinks about a boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a best friend though. I know what it’s like to have ex-best friends and that hurts just as much as a relationship breakup. An ex is a person you use to confide in and be able to share anything with. There were memories and special moments you shared together. Sometimes it hurts and there is still a tug on your heart when an ex is brought up. But you never realize until later on in life just how much exes have changed you and shaped you into who you are. Despite wanting things to work out, some things just aren’t meant to be. Some of those things may be the bad. It may take you a long time to learn to trust someone new because you’ve been lied to so many times before. Maybe you are weary of putting your heart on the line because it’s been broken too many times before. You may have walked away feeling stronger though because you know you are a better person than what that relationship made you out to be.

Failed relationships don’t always have to be looked at in a negative light, in my opinion, most times it’s for the best. There is a reason a person is your ex or someone you don’t talk to anymore. There was a flaw in communication or a mistake made and you have to reevaluate what that mistake was so you don’t continue to make it or are no longer attracted to it.

Immediately upon breaking up with someone you’re not thinking, “yes! I learned so much and am walking away from this relationship with more knowledge.” Let’s be realistic. Guys are acting tough while drowning their sorrows in beer and girls are eating ice cream and watching romantic chick flicks.

After the sadness is gone though and when the realism sits in that you no longer have that certain person to talk to all the time, you look to fill that void, and along the way you figure out why you’re actually better off.

I use to lay awake at night wondering what I had done wrong or why I couldn’t find that guy who was going to treat me right. I came to realize that a breakup doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It’s just that you realized something you didn’t want or wasn’t successful and you need to move on. I don’t have that problem anymore. I may only be 20, but I’ve experienced my fair share of failed relationships and heartbreak. I’ve learned enough to probably write a book, but I’ll condense it into a blog instead. But the following are some of the most important lessons I’ve come away with and what have led me to where I am today.

(I’m sorry I say him throughout the duration of this post, but I feel like it’s girls more than boys who need the confidence boost. This advice goes for anyone and everyone though!)

Communication is key.

No one on this planet is a mind reader. If you’re upset, explain why you’re upset rather than acting mad and keeping your partner guessing. It isn’t fair to either of you to assume that the other one always knows what’s going on in your life or how you feel about things. Fill them in so they’re not in the dark.

I’m so guilty of this, and I fully admit it. When I’m in a bad mood or mad about something, instead of being blunt and saying what’s bothering me, I leave people guessing, as if to teach them a lesson. That just makes it more miserable for everyone.

Trust your gut, but also listen to those who love you.

If your best friends and family are leery of the person you’re dating, they see something you are blinded to and refuse to see. Trust them. They love you so much and are only looking out for what’s best for you.

I dated a guy once my parents didn’t approve of and my friends didn’t like. I didn’t care though because I thought I saw this great person they couldn’t see. It turns out I couldn’t see what a jackass this kid was and what everyone had been telling me all along. If I would’ve listened to the people who love me continually tell me that I was going to get hurt because he wasn’t a good guy, well then I wouldn’t have gotten hurt and lost every ounce of self-confidence I had. Even though that was years ago, I still have issues from that relationship that resurface because he made me that insecure about myself.

Disagreements are healthy.

Now I’m not saying go fight about the slightest thing, but you don’t have to have the same opinion on everything. You have to accept and respect the other’s opinion though.

Don’t change for anyone.

Keep your own morals and values and don’t change just for him. Stay true to yourself; don’t allow him to feel superior for any reason. A little difference in a relationship is healthy.

I love my two horses as much as I love my family, they are family to me (yeah, I’m that crazy horse girl). My mare has some health problems though, but nonetheless she was my first horse and I will never sell her. I had a boy hell-bent once that he wanted to shoot her because "she was a lost cause and a waste of time and money". He said it would be better for everyone since I wouldn’t have to go to the barn to see her anymore since she was worthless. Sorry sweetheart, that is a major reason you’re an ex.

Happiness starts with you.

Another person isn’t the only one who can make you happy. You are the ultimate reason for your own happiness. If you constantly rely on someone else to make you happy, take a step back and reevaluate. Do things for you that make you happy, not because you know it will make others happy. It’s your decisions that affect your life.

You don’t deserve negativity.

If he puts you down or you’re the butt of his jokes, get out immediately. You don’t need that sort of negativity in your life and you don’t deserve it because he’s insecure and needs to make himself look good. Respect and appreciation are the pillars of a healthy relationship. Being told you’re not pretty enough or he could “get any other girl but he’s dating you” isn’t a compliment. It’s robbing you of true joy and making you feel insecure. Don’t feel privileged to be dating him. Let him know instead it an honor to be dating you and then dump his ass. 

A relationship isn’t based on “getting even.”

You shouldn’t feel like you have to do something just to make things even in a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on equality.

It’s your life.

At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with the decisions you make. You get to choose whether or not you want to be in that relationship, and if you don’t want to be, then you don’t have to be. No one is forcing you to, and if they are, that is that much more of a reason to walk away.

As strange as it may sound, I’m thankful for my exes. If it weren’t for failed relationships and learning what I wanted in a guy and how I wanted to be treated, I never would’ve ended up with such a great guy. 

Colt makes me happy day in and day out. Sometimes it’s the little things like showing up with a movie and frozen hot chocolate to make my bad day better. And sometimes it’s the big things like letting me borrow his truck whenever I need it or dropping what he’s doing to help me out. If a person truly loves you, they will do things that they might not like just to spend time with you and make you happy. A person who loves you wants to keep you as happy as possible. He once spent his Friday night cleaning the silver on my saddles for hours. He could’ve been doing a million other things, but he did that for me. I spent my final days of winter break completely cleaning his apartment so his new roommate could move in. Both jobs sucked immensely, but we always want to help each other out and make life a little more bearable for one another.

I realized that he is the reason things never worked out with other guys, and it’s because they weren’t him. No one has ever treated me so kindly and looked out for me as much as he does.

When I told him I was writing this, he said to make him sound good. We may drive each other crazy every now and then, but he’s the perfect boyfriend and I could never ask for a better man in my life. He treats me like a princess (because I like to think I am), respects my opinions and the decisions I make in life, and always encourages me to be myself and not change because he loves who I am already. I treat him the same way in return because that’s what a real relationship is all about.

The best thing about the past is that it shows you what not to bring into your future. A breakup is an opportunity, not a tragedy. Take what you learned and use it to meet someone new. Cry your tears, drink your beers, and eat lots of ice cream. But once the time of loathing in self-pity has passed, get back out there and continue to enjoy life. You don’t need someone else to make your feel complete, but life is just a little sweeter when you have a person who loves you by your side.

Falling in Love

My family likes to remind me often that I’m single. I’m used to it by now and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. There is nothing wrong with being single, especially when you’re waiting for that special someone to meet your standards.

            I’m a complicated female, and like I often say, I’m not your typical girl. My favorite accessory is my old baseball cap, but if I have a reason to, I don’t mind putting makeup on and doing my hair every now and then. 

Even my uncle pointed out a few weeks ago when I was wearing a dress that I look more comfortable in jeans and boots. He said I even look prettier in barn clothes because it’s the natural me.

But something I share with other girls is the fairytale dream of falling in love and living a happily ever after. I’m still looking for the right man to open my heart to and fall in love with. I’m optimistically saying I know he’s out there too.

If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that true love is rare and hard to come by.

I love when guys ask me a thousand meaningless questions just because they want to get to know me.

I’ll tell you that my favorite color is black (the shade that shines rainbow), and I despise coffee in all forms (even iced with lots of cream and sugar). I know you can pick my laugh out in a crowd but I love to laugh. If you can always have me smiling, that’s when I’m happiest.

Sometimes I just want to be held, but other times I don’t want to cuddle because I want my space. When you fall in love with me, you’ll figure out the difference. Kiss me in public, that’s okay, but be warned, I can’t stand PDA. I’m not a trophy girlfriend. I don’t play that game. I’m not yours to make exes or your friends jealous, I’m going to be yours because I care for you and if you love me you’ll feel the same.

I’m terrified to fall in love. Show me why being afraid is such a mistake. Don’t hurt me. If you love me you won’t. Love isn’t about getting even or getting revenge. It isn’t about always owing your partner something; it’s about making that person your world and treating them like they’re a priority in your life.

Everyone has flaws. If a person truly loves you though, they’ll see past those flaws. I hope a guy will fall in love with my sarcastic sense of humor, my bruised and scarred legs, my terrible eyesight, and my unpredictable moods.

Maybe my heart is holding out for love because I’m truly waiting to find the right man worth giving it to – the one I want to wake up next to and fall asleep dreaming about.

I also am a girl in the sense that I am a bit of a romantic. I like goodnight and good morning texts or out of the blue calls to know that I’m on your mind. Prove to me I’m important to you. Don’t ask me how you should prove it because that’s half the challenge in figuring it out on your own. I want to know I’m cared for and mean something to you and I’m not wasting my time if you’re not serious. I’m not looking for someone perfect, but I’m looking for someone who will have serious conversations with me and be silly two minutes later. 

What I have to wonder though is how long I have to wait? Because I’m not the type of girl to sit around waiting forever. I get scared waiting because too many times before, waiting meant that you had a better option and I was going to be kept at bay. If you love me, you won’t give another man a chance to make me happy because you’ll be fighting for me.

Every girl deserves a guy who can make her forget her heart was ever broken. I know I can’t promise a man a perfect relationship, because I’d be lying and I hate to break my promises. But I do promise that as long as he gives it his all, so will I.

Your Other Half

This past week I took my finals and finished my first semester of college. It’s hard to believe that a year ago today I still had no clue where I was even going to go to college and 364 days later I’m one semester in.

I took a humanities class at Syracuse entitled, “What is Belief?.” Yes, the title was in the form of a question and I figured it would be a blow off class I could get an easy A in to boost my GPA.

Well that was the farthest thing from the truth. I failed all three tests I took and I’m hoping the final went a little better. But what I took from that class was much more than what my letter grade will ever reflect.

On the first day of class our professor asked us the simple question of whether or not we believed in soul mates. If you believed you were to stand on one side of the room, nonbelievers were to stand on the other. The Debbie Downer that I am chose the nonbelievers side. I don’t believe, or at least have convinced myself that I don’t belief in soul mates because of one too many failed “true loves.”

Since the first day of class though, I’ve spent the entire semester thinking about whether or not I believe in soul mates. This class caused me to think about a lot of things differently than I normally would. As for the soul mates question, it was again brought up on our final and the three-sentence maximum wasn’t enough for me to accurately get across the conclusion that I came to that satisfies me.

I now do think soul mates exist, but they don’t always have to exist in a romantic way.

I think there are a few predetermined people you are destined to meet who you will just have a certain connection with. It’ll be a connection that is different from any other connection you’ve experienced before. These people will change your way of thinking and how you view other people. Relationships with soul mates are different because you understand each other perfectly. These are the people who can finish your sentences, know exactly what to order you without even asking, and could write a biography about you without even having to verify facts because they already know everything.

One of my favorite movies is Wedding Crashers, and when asked what a soul mate is, Owen Wilson’s character replies that, “It’s your soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another.”

That could be taken romantically, and many times it is. But my conclusion is that this person or perhaps even people aren’t always going to be your significant other.

It’s your soul and body finding that person who it just connects with more than it does with others.

After thinking about this I don’t view soul mates as a romance anymore. It was always my stereotype that a soul mate was my knight in shining armor who was going to sweep me off my feet, I’d fall madly in love with, and live happily ever after.

Now I realize that my soul mate is my best friend who I can call at any hour of the night and she will stay on the phone with me for hours. Or my other friend who I text and say I’m having a bad day and she shows up with some food she knows I love and is there to make it better.  Granted, I do love these people, just not in the romantic way that it’s often assumed a person is supposed to love a “soul mate”.

A soul mate could be anyone: a friend, sibling, parent, teacher, or person you’re dating or married to. It could be just about anyone you’ve ever interacted with.

Maybe soul mate isn’t the right word for them. But it’s now my thoughts that a soul mate is someone who means a little more to you than anyone else. You could trust them with absolutely anything in this world and they feel the same about you. You would go to the ends of the earth for them and they would be willing to as well.

Not everyone has the same definition of a soul mate, that was apparent in the class on the first day when we were practically split down the middle as to who believed and who didn’t. But in my definition I believe in them. I know I have two people in my life who have always been there for me and will always be there for me. I feel the same way towards them too.

My professor probably never realized that such a simple question would have such a huge impact on my life. But that’s what college is all about right? Realizing who you are and how relationships with other people work. Coming to this conclusion doesn’t externally change my relationship with these people, but it makes me appreciate them a little bit more.