Falling in Love

My family likes to remind me often that I’m single. I’m used to it by now and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. There is nothing wrong with being single, especially when you’re waiting for that special someone to meet your standards.

            I’m a complicated female, and like I often say, I’m not your typical girl. My favorite accessory is my old baseball cap, but if I have a reason to, I don’t mind putting makeup on and doing my hair every now and then. 

Even my uncle pointed out a few weeks ago when I was wearing a dress that I look more comfortable in jeans and boots. He said I even look prettier in barn clothes because it’s the natural me.

But something I share with other girls is the fairytale dream of falling in love and living a happily ever after. I’m still looking for the right man to open my heart to and fall in love with. I’m optimistically saying I know he’s out there too.

If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that true love is rare and hard to come by.

I love when guys ask me a thousand meaningless questions just because they want to get to know me.

I’ll tell you that my favorite color is black (the shade that shines rainbow), and I despise coffee in all forms (even iced with lots of cream and sugar). I know you can pick my laugh out in a crowd but I love to laugh. If you can always have me smiling, that’s when I’m happiest.

Sometimes I just want to be held, but other times I don’t want to cuddle because I want my space. When you fall in love with me, you’ll figure out the difference. Kiss me in public, that’s okay, but be warned, I can’t stand PDA. I’m not a trophy girlfriend. I don’t play that game. I’m not yours to make exes or your friends jealous, I’m going to be yours because I care for you and if you love me you’ll feel the same.

I’m terrified to fall in love. Show me why being afraid is such a mistake. Don’t hurt me. If you love me you won’t. Love isn’t about getting even or getting revenge. It isn’t about always owing your partner something; it’s about making that person your world and treating them like they’re a priority in your life.

Everyone has flaws. If a person truly loves you though, they’ll see past those flaws. I hope a guy will fall in love with my sarcastic sense of humor, my bruised and scarred legs, my terrible eyesight, and my unpredictable moods.

Maybe my heart is holding out for love because I’m truly waiting to find the right man worth giving it to – the one I want to wake up next to and fall asleep dreaming about.

I also am a girl in the sense that I am a bit of a romantic. I like goodnight and good morning texts or out of the blue calls to know that I’m on your mind. Prove to me I’m important to you. Don’t ask me how you should prove it because that’s half the challenge in figuring it out on your own. I want to know I’m cared for and mean something to you and I’m not wasting my time if you’re not serious. I’m not looking for someone perfect, but I’m looking for someone who will have serious conversations with me and be silly two minutes later. 

What I have to wonder though is how long I have to wait? Because I’m not the type of girl to sit around waiting forever. I get scared waiting because too many times before, waiting meant that you had a better option and I was going to be kept at bay. If you love me, you won’t give another man a chance to make me happy because you’ll be fighting for me.

Every girl deserves a guy who can make her forget her heart was ever broken. I know I can’t promise a man a perfect relationship, because I’d be lying and I hate to break my promises. But I do promise that as long as he gives it his all, so will I.

Lyrics to Life

            Everyone loves music. I may be making a very broad generalization there, but I’m sure everyone has his or her own form of some sort of music, sound, or beat he or she enjoys listening to.

            When I’m in the car, personally, it’s rare that my dial strays from the country station. And if it does, it’s probably switching to a country CD just because I don’t like what’s on one of the five country stations I switch between. I have my moments though where I listen to other things, I think everyone does that and truly does like a little bit of everything.

            They say that lyrics describe a person’s life. The lyrics to your favorite song are probably something you can relate to.

            For the times I like to relax and maybe fall asleep I love lullaby music or soothing Spanish guitar music.

            When I’m angry. No scratch that. When I’m downright pissed I blast Ke$ha. She’s my girl. Her crazy music and no bullshit attitude I love and admire.

            Sometimes I throw it back to ‘70s and ‘80s music. I have my parents to thank for that one.

            If I’m going out or getting ready to go somewhere I like to listen to EDM/techno/house/dubstep whatever else you want to call it that’s fast-paced and upbeat to get myself ready to have fun.

            Occasionally I like to relive my childhood with some late ‘90s jams.

            And starting November 1^st clear through Christmas I only listen to Christmas carols, that is all.

            It took me forever to write this blog because I wanted to compile a list of my top 10 favorite songs and why I love them and relate to them. These are the songs that when they come on my iPhone I have to hit replay.

            Here goes:

10. Hurricane – Dustin Lynch

A country song about a girl, very cliché, I know.

This song reminds me of myself though. I have a problem with settling down, and when I do meet a guy I have a tendency to leave distraction in my path like a hurricane. Fitting that it even talks about the girl having red hair and being a wild child.

“Cause it’s a hell of a ride, if you can just survive the pain, that’s the thing about a hurricane.”

A hurricane is something amazing to witness yet scary as hell, same as falling in love. And at the end when the hurricane has blown through the only thing people can do is pick up the pieces and what’s left and move on, exactly what Dustin Lynch says is the only way to deal with this girl.

The song also talks about the girl running from her past, again something I do, and in the song she even warns the guy the trouble she is, which is what I always say I am.

9. Sweet Caroline – Neil Diamond

There is something about this song that never fails to make me smile. A song most people like to belt out, commonly while holding a beer or having their arms around their friends while swaying in time to the music.

“Good times never seemed so good (Go Pitt, Go Pitt, Go Pitt).”

This song means something to me because it’s always played during the Pitt football games and I will forever be a Panther at heart.

It’s just a feel good song that makes me happy and makes me want to grab my friends and dance like idiots.

Above all though it’s a beautiful love song about a man being madly in love with his girl. What can I say? I’m a sucker for love songs.

8. Born This Way – Lady Gaga

This is a girl’s anthem and feel good song for women.

“I’m beautiful in my way cause God makes no mistakes, I’m on the right track, baby I was born this way.”

It’s about embracing your inner beauty and being proud of who you are. Don’t ever be afraid to be yourself because if people can’t accept you for who you are they don’t deserve to be in your life.

Whenever I’m feeling down or having a bad day I like to listen to this song because it’s empowering and a good reminder that being true to you is what matters. You never have to prove anything to anyone, only yourself. You have to love yourself first too before you can love anyone else.

7. Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

This song reminds me of growing up and the pain and excitement that come with it. It’s especially relevant to my life because I left for college and I’m trying to figure out where my life after college is going to take me.

“But time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I’m getting older too.”

It’s scary to face the world by yourself because your parents aren’t always going to be there to help you, but that’s also half the fun of it.

6. Automatic- Miranda Lambert

I wish I could have grown up in a different era. Granted, I’m so thankful for the technology we have today and all the strides we continue to make, but I also miss the good ‘ol days. I remember payphones, and I still dry my laundry on the clothesline on a nice day. I love making sun tea, and I remember when my grandpa used a pocket watch.

“It all just seemed so good the way we had it, back before everything became automatic.”

Some people will never realize the beauty of simplicity and the old-fashioned way because they’re stuck on what they think the beauty is in technology.

5. Jack & Diane – John Cougar Mellencamp

Oops, sorry for another love song. This is probably my favorite song to turn up the entire way and roll the windows down.

To me this is pretty self-explanatory. It’s two kids, living the American dream and who fall in love.

“Hold on to sixteen as long as you can, changes come around real soon make us women and men.”

Kids are always in such a rush to grow up, I know I was. But when you’re a kid you don’t realize how amazing it is to be carefree. Cherish that and make it last as long as you can. You’re going to grow up eventually and not be able to enjoy the freedom you once had.

4. Hey Pretty Girl – Kip Moore

The first time I heard this song I about wanted to cry. (And that’s really strange coming from me because I’m basically heartless). It still warms my heart and makes me daydream when I hear it because this is the type of man I want to find in my life. I want a man who’s going to love me this much and try to win me over.

It also makes me happy because it’s not a song about a hookup or one night stand, it’s about making a relationship work the right way. Dancing, being together, taking her home to meet his mom, building a life together, etc.

“Life’s a long and winding ride, better have the right one by your side.”

I’m still looking for that right one, but I hope when I find him I can compare our relationship to this song because I could see this being the first song we dance to at our wedding. If a guy ever sang this to me too I’d probably melt, just saying.

3. Don’t Stop Believing – Journey

You are lying if you have never blasted this song and sang along at the top of your lungs.

I am a small town girl, living in my own lonely world. And to me this song is about going on a journey and trying to find yourself. It’s optimistic and the title itself even tells you to not give up hope, to keep pushing, because with determination you will get where you want to and accomplish your goal. 

“Some will win, some will lose.”

Unfortunately you can’t win every single time and you need to learn how to accept defeat once in awhile.

This song is also about familiarity and the fact that everyone has common ground. Shadows, are in reference to the people’s past that haunts them. It also is about everyone feeling sad or lonely sometimes and realizing that other people share those feelings too and they truly aren’t ever alone in their pain.

Finally, it makes me think of love. It’s about a boy and girl from two separate worlds figuring out they really aren’t that different, and battling the odds to be together and fall in love.

2. Small Town U.S.A. – Justin Moore

A perfect description of my hometown. I live in the cliché small town that everyone seems to hate, but no one seems to leave. And if they do leave, it’s usually not too long before they come back. Everybody knows everybody’s business, and gossip is inescapable. You can’t even get away with anything because somehow word will eventually get back to your parents, and secrets aren’t possible to keep.      

We may not be the richest people in the world, but where I come from it’s hard work that’s going to get you much farther in life.

“I wouldn’t trade one single day, I’m proud to say I love this place.”

As much as I complain about lacking in culture and having to drive two hours to shop, I love western Pennsylvania and the backwoods. If I don’t raise my children in Brockway I’ll raise them in a town similar to it because I want them to enjoy the same childhood I did.

1. Here For A Good Time – George Strait

Well I might as well start off by saying George Strait is my love. I love this man and all of his music so of course one of his songs was going to be on the Top 10 playlist of my life. The only problem was trying to pick one, but once I really got thinking about some of my favorite songs by him this one stuck out.

Right from the beginning he says he isn’t going to take life for granted. Even when life sucks, this song reminds me that I should be blessed that I’m still living and I have the opportunities that I do.

“Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last.”

Because you never know when your time is going to come, give it your all every day. He even says to take a chance because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

            I’m guilty of listening to the radio and saying “I love this song” or “this is my jam” to half of the songs that play. But when it comes down to it, these are the ten songs that best represent me.

How It Used to Be

            It was an interesting weekend for me as I realized how different my childhood was compared to my seven-year-old brother’s. Even though we’re only 12 years apart, with how quickly society is progressing it might as well be much longer.

            I love the weekends (I mean who doesn’t?), especially when I was growing up. Spring and summer weekends were the best because from morning until dusk, sometimes even after, were spent outside. I would help my dad plant flowers, go for bike rides with my mom, play ball with my friends, hang out at the park, walk around town, go swimming, and so many other activities that any normal child should do.

            But this weekend reality hit me like a brick wall. Times have changed. Why is America obese? Because people are too hooked to electronics and being indoors.

            While my parents were away for the weekend I was in charge. Even though yesterday was a bit gloomy, as long as it wasn’t snowing I wanted to relive my childhood and enjoy being home by spending the day outside. When I asked my brother what he wanted to do I didn’t get much of a response. But that wasn’t too shocking since he was playing his DS while sitting in front of the TV. Fishing he said was too boring and he was too tired to go for a walk. The park didn’t sound fun and he was sick of baseball. What was wrong with this kid? My biggest problem would’ve been picking which one I wanted to do first at his age.

            Finally I decided I wanted to go for a bike ride. When I mentioned it he protested. Actually, he threw a temper tantrum and I didn’t understand why. I told him we’d shorten our long bike ride I had planned and make it a quick trip to the bank, which is located just up the road. He still had no interest. I got his bike out anyway and made him start riding around. It didn’t take long to realize why he was so hell bent on not riding it, because he didn’t know how. At seven he couldn’t ride a bike with training wheels let alone without them. How did he never learn? I felt like a failure as a big sister. When I was his age I was biking to my grandma’s house any chance I got because I felt like such a big girl getting to go by myself. I was begging my dad to take my training wheels off when I was five but here he was begging me to just not make him ride it. My have the times changed.

(I would like to mention though that after much practice and many tears I’m proud to say that although he still has the training wheels on he can now peddle around by himself.)

            I had another wake up call when later last night we were watching a movie together and one of the characters was using a payphone. He asked why they did that and said it was silly. It took me a second to catch on to what he was talking about and when I realized he meant the phone I could only laugh as I explained cell phones haven’t always been around, but of course, he doesn’t get that. That’s all he knows in life.

            Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have grown up in today’s world, but then I realize I never would want to do that. I’m old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I still like when a guy holds the door and lets the girl go first and when he walks on the outside of the sidewalk. I like handwritten letters and dressing nice and I know how to sew a button back on. But I’m also independent in society’s new way by not letting a guy pay for everything and always being available since my phone is on me 24/7. I’ve grown to accept controversial topics such as having an African-American president and accepting gay marriage. So yes, this new era has also changed me for the better.

            I’m scared for what more the future is going to bring. Most people who know me, and even many people I’ve met just once, know that I say when I grow up I’m never going to get married or have kids. Well, only time will tell. But I truly am afraid to be a mother someday because I can’t imagine raising children in a world that is progressing as rapidly as ours. I do know though that if I have kids one day they won’t be addicted to electronics and will be active children who enjoy being outside. That’s how I grew up and I have to say, I think I turned out all right?

It didn't matter what it was that I was doing, as long as I was outside I was happy. I'm still like that today!

A Love Lived and Lost

            I’ve told boys I loved them. Every girl does that when she’s young and she thinks she knows what love is. Looking back though I know I was only saying those words because it seemed like the right thing to say. As a good girlfriend, it’s what was expected of me.

            I know though, I was not in love. I have only ever been in love once. And honestly, to this day, I don’t know if this boy knows exactly how I feel about him. He was never my boyfriend, but sometimes it’s not the person you are dating you fall in love with.

            Love is the feeling you get when you see that person and you get the biggest smile on your face that won’t go away. When you know he is on the other side of the room and you keep looking over out of the corner of your eye. It’s when your heart skips a beat as he leans in for a hug. It’s what happens when you’re texting him and don’t want the conversation to end so you find anything in the world to talk about. It’s when you can act like your complete self and not feel ashamed.

            There is never a dull moment between us. We’re constantly laughing, joking, or smiling, and occasionally we have some deep heart to hearts. He’s seen me at my absolute very best and he’s held me as I sobbed into his chest too. There are too many memories between us to count and I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

            I can talk to him about anything under the sun and I trust him to listen and keep my secrets. He tells me everything too. When he would talk to me about his girlfriend (now ex) I used to listen patiently and try to give the best advice possible. I was happy that I was the person he came to for life and relationship advice. We would do anything for each other, but I don’t think he knows the extent to which I’d go for him.

            Now is the one time I wish I wasn’t such a tomboy and wasn’t his go to friend for girl advice because he will never see me as anything more than that. I’m the one who use to talk to him about football all the time or the person he would watch stupid movies with. That’s all I am to him, just one of the guys.

            So many times when we’re together we’ve heard the phrases, “you two are so cute together” or “why don’t you just date already?”. And every time my inner being is screaming out in agreement but all I can do is laugh and say we’re too good of friends for that.

            I overthink everything when it comes to him. And everything just seems to be this big giant “what if?” What if I took the chance and told him? What if he felt the same way? What if we did date? What if we did have a serious relationship? What if there actually is a future together for us?

I keep trying to date other guys but the problem is I look for him in every single guy I talk to. And unfortunately I can’t find anyone who comes close to the man he is. No one has all the qualities he does and when I come to terms with this I move on.

            I doubt he’s reading this because it’s not like him to, but if he is and knows it’s him I hope he now realizes just how much he means to me. I don’t have the guts to outright say it to his face (but I can write it on social media…).

It’s a lot easier in the movies whenever the girl admits to her best friend she loves him. If it’s a chick flick it’s going to have a happily ever after. Life doesn’t go that way though and I’m afraid to take that risk right now. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell him. But until then I’ll continue to admire from afar and dream of something that may one day happen.

What I Learned My Freshman Year of College

            Wow. I’m still in shock that I just completed my first year of college. I’m already ¼ done with some of the greatest years of my life. This past year truly has been one of the best. I’ve laughed more than I ever have before, I’ve shed a few tears too, but I’ve learned, grown as a person, and made memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

            My mom told me over and over again that there are so many things that I’m going to learn in college outside of the classroom and not in books. I’ve only been here a year but looking back I sure did retain a lot and I’d like to share.

So here are my top 30 pieces of advice to incoming freshman:

1. Always check your email before going to class because there is always that off chance that you have an email from God himself (okay your professor) saying class is cancelled.

2. Going to the gym is important, DO IT! The earlier the better because that’s when it’s emptiest and if you actually want to get something done try to stay away from 2-6 PM because that’s when it’s busiest.

3. Be unique, be you. Cowboy boots are practically foreign here in Syracuse, NY. Well, they are also apart of my everyday wardrobe considering I have seven pairs. So I didn’t let that stop me from wearing them with everyday outfits, not just on Halloween when girls were dressing up as “cowgirls” with their plaid shirts from Hollister and high-heeled cowgirl boots.

4. Clubs and organizations are going to lure you in with free pizza, especially the first few weeks of school. GO TO THESE EVENTS. You are in college. If it’s free, especially food, you take advantage even if you aren’t especially interested in the Squirrel Watching Club. If there is free pizza you go.

5. Go to class. It may seem like the cool thing to brag about that you skipped again but it’s worthwhile to go. You’re paying an arm and a leg and maybe another leg too just to sign up for these classes so get something out of them. You never know when something important may be discussed.

6. Naps are God’s gift to college students, but be sure to set an alarm for a nap no longer than 1-½ hours because you will not be able to sleep that night or you will wake up tired rather than refreshed.

7. Bring fun things to do with your friends. The laser tag game I got for Valentine’s Day was a hit! The boys on my floor and I played for hours. But give a bunch of ROTC kids guns and we know how to have fun. Cards Against Humanity was also a fun time too, just know your group well enough that no one will be offended playing.

8. Ordering wings at 2:00 AM every now and then isn’t going to kill you. Just don’t make it a regular thing.

9. When people tell you how many more credits they’re taking/have taken, clubs they’re in, internships they have, and everything else and they’re your age – don’t panic. It’s okay to not be tied down and forced into doing things so quickly.

10. With that being said, take college classes in high school! If I hadn’t come in with 21 credits, changing my major may have caused me to stay longer and that may even still be a possibility unfortunately.

11. “Win or lose we booze” is a real thing. People are always going to find a reason to drink, don’t be surprised by it.

12. Mental breakdowns are common. It’s nothing that a good chat with your best friend over hot chocolate and kahlúa can’t fix.

13. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, cares about your boyfriend or girlfriend from home. We’ll listen every now and then, but honestly we don’t give two shits. Actually, we don’t even give one.

14. Don’t buy the books for class right away. Sometimes you get lucky and the professor says you can find it online or you don’t even need the book so save that money because books will be one of your biggest expenses!

15. Changing your major is completely okay. If you want to, do it. Maybe a couple times. Make sure to question life and why you’re even in college too. If you don’t do that then you’re lying to yourself.

16. You don’t need to be an alcoholic to have fun and you’re not going to be the only one who doesn’t drink. If you don’t want to, don’t feel ashamed for not being interested.

17. You look stupid wearing heels to class. You look even more stupid wearing heels and a barely there skirt and crop top to a party on a Saturday night in February.

18. Do some crazy things and cross shit off your bucket list. Also, never turn down a challenge. I got my cartilage pierced and did the polar plunge. Also climbed a statue of a horse just to say I did it.

19. You will hear it again and again. But get involved. You don’t need to fill every single time slot in your schedule or be a D1 athlete. But give yourself a reason to get your work done or a new way to meet friends. I don’t know what I’d do without the club Western Equestrian team and I’ve made some great memories because of it.

20. Dressing nice during finals week is overrated. As is wearing makeup and anything other than sweatpants to your 8:00 AM.

21. Familiarize yourself with the Greek alphabet because sororities and fraternities are a common topic of discussion and you’re going to want to know what house you’re looking for when it’s negative temperatures and 11:30 PM on a Friday night.

22. Call home, write home, facetime home, visit home every now and then. I guarantee you’ll be homesick at first. You may think you’re homesick, but even more than that, your parents and family miss you. They’ll try to act tough and like you being gone doesn’t bother them but they would do anything to have you living at home again.

23. You’re lying to yourself if you think you’re going to go to bed early. And if you do go to bed before 10:00 PM you probably pulled an all nighter the night before or are extremely sick.

24. You will make the greatest friends at the most unexpected times. Do whatever you need to do for them because they would do the same for you. If they need a gym buddy go with them. If they want someone to eat with, be there even if you ate not to long ago. Help them study, let them vent, do anything for them. Those are the people who will be in your life for the long haul.

25. Romantic relationships are overrated. Live while you’re young and enjoy being able to talk and hang out with whomever you’d like.

26. Never promise yourself that you will study or do a project over breaks such as Thanksgiving and Spring Break because it never in a million years will happen. Instead you will watch Netflix, sleep, and enjoy your mom’s cooking.

27. With that being said, Netflix is the college kid’s best and worst enemy. It will entertain you during all hours of the night or keep you awake during a lecture hall, but it will also distract you from your homework and cause you to lose a significant amount of sleep.

28. College is about learning to do something well and in a short amount of time. Procrastination is common. Master it.

29. Your parents are going to constantly ask you about your grades. If you’re lucky you can be straightforward and honest, for the rest of you, start thinking creatively now.

30. Most importantly though, have fun. Enjoy the time because you don't get much of it. Step out of your comfort zone and make some memories. Take a ton of pictures, try not to stress too much, and live while you're young. 

Kaileen and Scott are two of the greatest friends I could ever ask for, and college would not have been the same if it were not for them. Thank you both of you. I'm going to miss you two so much over summer, but I can't wait for the next three years!