How It Used to Be

            It was an interesting weekend for me as I realized how different my childhood was compared to my seven-year-old brother’s. Even though we’re only 12 years apart, with how quickly society is progressing it might as well be much longer.

            I love the weekends (I mean who doesn’t?), especially when I was growing up. Spring and summer weekends were the best because from morning until dusk, sometimes even after, were spent outside. I would help my dad plant flowers, go for bike rides with my mom, play ball with my friends, hang out at the park, walk around town, go swimming, and so many other activities that any normal child should do.

            But this weekend reality hit me like a brick wall. Times have changed. Why is America obese? Because people are too hooked to electronics and being indoors.

            While my parents were away for the weekend I was in charge. Even though yesterday was a bit gloomy, as long as it wasn’t snowing I wanted to relive my childhood and enjoy being home by spending the day outside. When I asked my brother what he wanted to do I didn’t get much of a response. But that wasn’t too shocking since he was playing his DS while sitting in front of the TV. Fishing he said was too boring and he was too tired to go for a walk. The park didn’t sound fun and he was sick of baseball. What was wrong with this kid? My biggest problem would’ve been picking which one I wanted to do first at his age.

            Finally I decided I wanted to go for a bike ride. When I mentioned it he protested. Actually, he threw a temper tantrum and I didn’t understand why. I told him we’d shorten our long bike ride I had planned and make it a quick trip to the bank, which is located just up the road. He still had no interest. I got his bike out anyway and made him start riding around. It didn’t take long to realize why he was so hell bent on not riding it, because he didn’t know how. At seven he couldn’t ride a bike with training wheels let alone without them. How did he never learn? I felt like a failure as a big sister. When I was his age I was biking to my grandma’s house any chance I got because I felt like such a big girl getting to go by myself. I was begging my dad to take my training wheels off when I was five but here he was begging me to just not make him ride it. My have the times changed.

(I would like to mention though that after much practice and many tears I’m proud to say that although he still has the training wheels on he can now peddle around by himself.)

            I had another wake up call when later last night we were watching a movie together and one of the characters was using a payphone. He asked why they did that and said it was silly. It took me a second to catch on to what he was talking about and when I realized he meant the phone I could only laugh as I explained cell phones haven’t always been around, but of course, he doesn’t get that. That’s all he knows in life.

            Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have grown up in today’s world, but then I realize I never would want to do that. I’m old-fashioned in a lot of ways. I still like when a guy holds the door and lets the girl go first and when he walks on the outside of the sidewalk. I like handwritten letters and dressing nice and I know how to sew a button back on. But I’m also independent in society’s new way by not letting a guy pay for everything and always being available since my phone is on me 24/7. I’ve grown to accept controversial topics such as having an African-American president and accepting gay marriage. So yes, this new era has also changed me for the better.

            I’m scared for what more the future is going to bring. Most people who know me, and even many people I’ve met just once, know that I say when I grow up I’m never going to get married or have kids. Well, only time will tell. But I truly am afraid to be a mother someday because I can’t imagine raising children in a world that is progressing as rapidly as ours. I do know though that if I have kids one day they won’t be addicted to electronics and will be active children who enjoy being outside. That’s how I grew up and I have to say, I think I turned out all right?

It didn't matter what it was that I was doing, as long as I was outside I was happy. I'm still like that today!

A Love Lived and Lost

            I’ve told boys I loved them. Every girl does that when she’s young and she thinks she knows what love is. Looking back though I know I was only saying those words because it seemed like the right thing to say. As a good girlfriend, it’s what was expected of me.

            I know though, I was not in love. I have only ever been in love once. And honestly, to this day, I don’t know if this boy knows exactly how I feel about him. He was never my boyfriend, but sometimes it’s not the person you are dating you fall in love with.

            Love is the feeling you get when you see that person and you get the biggest smile on your face that won’t go away. When you know he is on the other side of the room and you keep looking over out of the corner of your eye. It’s when your heart skips a beat as he leans in for a hug. It’s what happens when you’re texting him and don’t want the conversation to end so you find anything in the world to talk about. It’s when you can act like your complete self and not feel ashamed.

            There is never a dull moment between us. We’re constantly laughing, joking, or smiling, and occasionally we have some deep heart to hearts. He’s seen me at my absolute very best and he’s held me as I sobbed into his chest too. There are too many memories between us to count and I really don’t know what I’d do without him.

            I can talk to him about anything under the sun and I trust him to listen and keep my secrets. He tells me everything too. When he would talk to me about his girlfriend (now ex) I used to listen patiently and try to give the best advice possible. I was happy that I was the person he came to for life and relationship advice. We would do anything for each other, but I don’t think he knows the extent to which I’d go for him.

            Now is the one time I wish I wasn’t such a tomboy and wasn’t his go to friend for girl advice because he will never see me as anything more than that. I’m the one who use to talk to him about football all the time or the person he would watch stupid movies with. That’s all I am to him, just one of the guys.

            So many times when we’re together we’ve heard the phrases, “you two are so cute together” or “why don’t you just date already?”. And every time my inner being is screaming out in agreement but all I can do is laugh and say we’re too good of friends for that.

            I overthink everything when it comes to him. And everything just seems to be this big giant “what if?” What if I took the chance and told him? What if he felt the same way? What if we did date? What if we did have a serious relationship? What if there actually is a future together for us?

I keep trying to date other guys but the problem is I look for him in every single guy I talk to. And unfortunately I can’t find anyone who comes close to the man he is. No one has all the qualities he does and when I come to terms with this I move on.

            I doubt he’s reading this because it’s not like him to, but if he is and knows it’s him I hope he now realizes just how much he means to me. I don’t have the guts to outright say it to his face (but I can write it on social media…).

It’s a lot easier in the movies whenever the girl admits to her best friend she loves him. If it’s a chick flick it’s going to have a happily ever after. Life doesn’t go that way though and I’m afraid to take that risk right now. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell him. But until then I’ll continue to admire from afar and dream of something that may one day happen.

What I Learned My Freshman Year of College

            Wow. I’m still in shock that I just completed my first year of college. I’m already ¼ done with some of the greatest years of my life. This past year truly has been one of the best. I’ve laughed more than I ever have before, I’ve shed a few tears too, but I’ve learned, grown as a person, and made memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life.

            My mom told me over and over again that there are so many things that I’m going to learn in college outside of the classroom and not in books. I’ve only been here a year but looking back I sure did retain a lot and I’d like to share.

So here are my top 30 pieces of advice to incoming freshman:

1. Always check your email before going to class because there is always that off chance that you have an email from God himself (okay your professor) saying class is cancelled.

2. Going to the gym is important, DO IT! The earlier the better because that’s when it’s emptiest and if you actually want to get something done try to stay away from 2-6 PM because that’s when it’s busiest.

3. Be unique, be you. Cowboy boots are practically foreign here in Syracuse, NY. Well, they are also apart of my everyday wardrobe considering I have seven pairs. So I didn’t let that stop me from wearing them with everyday outfits, not just on Halloween when girls were dressing up as “cowgirls” with their plaid shirts from Hollister and high-heeled cowgirl boots.

4. Clubs and organizations are going to lure you in with free pizza, especially the first few weeks of school. GO TO THESE EVENTS. You are in college. If it’s free, especially food, you take advantage even if you aren’t especially interested in the Squirrel Watching Club. If there is free pizza you go.

5. Go to class. It may seem like the cool thing to brag about that you skipped again but it’s worthwhile to go. You’re paying an arm and a leg and maybe another leg too just to sign up for these classes so get something out of them. You never know when something important may be discussed.

6. Naps are God’s gift to college students, but be sure to set an alarm for a nap no longer than 1-½ hours because you will not be able to sleep that night or you will wake up tired rather than refreshed.

7. Bring fun things to do with your friends. The laser tag game I got for Valentine’s Day was a hit! The boys on my floor and I played for hours. But give a bunch of ROTC kids guns and we know how to have fun. Cards Against Humanity was also a fun time too, just know your group well enough that no one will be offended playing.

8. Ordering wings at 2:00 AM every now and then isn’t going to kill you. Just don’t make it a regular thing.

9. When people tell you how many more credits they’re taking/have taken, clubs they’re in, internships they have, and everything else and they’re your age – don’t panic. It’s okay to not be tied down and forced into doing things so quickly.

10. With that being said, take college classes in high school! If I hadn’t come in with 21 credits, changing my major may have caused me to stay longer and that may even still be a possibility unfortunately.

11. “Win or lose we booze” is a real thing. People are always going to find a reason to drink, don’t be surprised by it.

12. Mental breakdowns are common. It’s nothing that a good chat with your best friend over hot chocolate and kahlúa can’t fix.

13. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, cares about your boyfriend or girlfriend from home. We’ll listen every now and then, but honestly we don’t give two shits. Actually, we don’t even give one.

14. Don’t buy the books for class right away. Sometimes you get lucky and the professor says you can find it online or you don’t even need the book so save that money because books will be one of your biggest expenses!

15. Changing your major is completely okay. If you want to, do it. Maybe a couple times. Make sure to question life and why you’re even in college too. If you don’t do that then you’re lying to yourself.

16. You don’t need to be an alcoholic to have fun and you’re not going to be the only one who doesn’t drink. If you don’t want to, don’t feel ashamed for not being interested.

17. You look stupid wearing heels to class. You look even more stupid wearing heels and a barely there skirt and crop top to a party on a Saturday night in February.

18. Do some crazy things and cross shit off your bucket list. Also, never turn down a challenge. I got my cartilage pierced and did the polar plunge. Also climbed a statue of a horse just to say I did it.

19. You will hear it again and again. But get involved. You don’t need to fill every single time slot in your schedule or be a D1 athlete. But give yourself a reason to get your work done or a new way to meet friends. I don’t know what I’d do without the club Western Equestrian team and I’ve made some great memories because of it.

20. Dressing nice during finals week is overrated. As is wearing makeup and anything other than sweatpants to your 8:00 AM.

21. Familiarize yourself with the Greek alphabet because sororities and fraternities are a common topic of discussion and you’re going to want to know what house you’re looking for when it’s negative temperatures and 11:30 PM on a Friday night.

22. Call home, write home, facetime home, visit home every now and then. I guarantee you’ll be homesick at first. You may think you’re homesick, but even more than that, your parents and family miss you. They’ll try to act tough and like you being gone doesn’t bother them but they would do anything to have you living at home again.

23. You’re lying to yourself if you think you’re going to go to bed early. And if you do go to bed before 10:00 PM you probably pulled an all nighter the night before or are extremely sick.

24. You will make the greatest friends at the most unexpected times. Do whatever you need to do for them because they would do the same for you. If they need a gym buddy go with them. If they want someone to eat with, be there even if you ate not to long ago. Help them study, let them vent, do anything for them. Those are the people who will be in your life for the long haul.

25. Romantic relationships are overrated. Live while you’re young and enjoy being able to talk and hang out with whomever you’d like.

26. Never promise yourself that you will study or do a project over breaks such as Thanksgiving and Spring Break because it never in a million years will happen. Instead you will watch Netflix, sleep, and enjoy your mom’s cooking.

27. With that being said, Netflix is the college kid’s best and worst enemy. It will entertain you during all hours of the night or keep you awake during a lecture hall, but it will also distract you from your homework and cause you to lose a significant amount of sleep.

28. College is about learning to do something well and in a short amount of time. Procrastination is common. Master it.

29. Your parents are going to constantly ask you about your grades. If you’re lucky you can be straightforward and honest, for the rest of you, start thinking creatively now.

30. Most importantly though, have fun. Enjoy the time because you don't get much of it. Step out of your comfort zone and make some memories. Take a ton of pictures, try not to stress too much, and live while you're young. 

Kaileen and Scott are two of the greatest friends I could ever ask for, and college would not have been the same if it were not for them. Thank you both of you. I'm going to miss you two so much over summer, but I can't wait for the next three years!